Love can be a curse

I wrote this a while back, into the notes section of my laptop because I had no internet at the time.
I just had to get a whole lot'a thoughts out of my head.


I guess it's a good thing I didn't post it right away...
(As you can probably guess, it's only snippets of what I originally wrote. I edited it so you can really only see what I was thinking without the actual events. Apologies if your the curious type; But while I promised to bare all in my own life to give people a chance to see how and why I am the way I am, I have no right to post personal things about other people, I'll leave that up to the mindless gossip columnists of the world.)





.......A few weeks ago;

I hate this place.

Yesterday I saw death stare me in the face.

She looked at me with love in her eyes, but I’m not convinced she even knew me.

I’ve never felt so lost and helpless in my whole life.

I keep telling myself; Mother Nature won’t give me anything I can’t handle.

But she is like a hard grading teacher, testing me with tough love. She is pushing me to my limits and forcing the strength I know I have inside of me out.

I’m not being conceited. I am one of the strongest people I know of when it comes to situations like this. It’s not the situation itself that frightens me. It’s the fact that I don’t know what to do. Life throws these things upon you without teaching you what to do.

......

Deep inside of your heart, there is a weight that still needs to be lifted,you cover it up but the pain never stops, sometimes I wish that you would just listen. Deep inside of yourself, there is a soul starving for some affection, been waiting for years but the time passes by, all you ever wanted was to fit in.

I know you can fight this. You’re the most beautiful girl in the world and I wanted you to know. Your constantly waiting for life to start and for love to surround it. If you only looked right by your side you'll find that its never had left you. You’ve been through so much and seen so many things through your eyes and I wish that you could just see if it were up to me I would construct a key to your heart and finally set you free.

.......

I am at breaking point. It doesn’t happen often.

I never cry, and when I do it certainly isn't in front of people.

I just cried for the first time in months, and to my grandfather who I hardly ever speak too at that.

Everybody is just so easy to give up, I don’t understand.

People say they love somebody, but when real life and real issues are there in front of them, why does it feel like I am the only one fighting, and not taking no for an answer?

My friends and family will back me up in saying I am one of the best at blocking out the complete hell life throws at us. God knows I could turn a blind eye to the apocalypse if I wanted too, but when somebodies life is on the line, how is it that I seem to be the only one who is willing to walk through hell to help?

Why am I the only one willing to say what will happen?

She’s going to die.

The people around me are making it so easy to give up.

If I give up, and lose her in 6 months, I’ll not only be without her, but I’ll blame myself for not doing everything I could.

I don’t understand how everyone is not on the same page?

When it comes down to real life, humanity is selfish and it disgusts me.

........
Xo