Beauty starts with how you see yourself

Good morning internet world.

Its a beautiful Wednesday morning here in real life and I am sitting on my tram, heading to work.

Oh yes, just another rat in the race to prosperity.

Tonight one of my best friends since high school, Rhea, is coming over for a photo shoot.

She is an amazing artist and is experimenting with her art in photography for university. She needed people to pose nude for her next assignment. I figured its just another thing to tick of the bucket list, and to piss off/overwhelm the old folks, so, being still in my early 20's and its only appropriate to do so, I volunteered.

Since agreeing to help her out, I've had quite a few different conversations with other people about it, mostly involving why whoever I was talking to would never do such a blasphemous thing.

It seems that while I for one, am happy and comfortable in my own body, the majority of people in the world are dissatisfied with the way they look. 

No, I don't live under an al-foil wrapped rock.

For a very long time, I've known that my own attitude towards what I look like is a good one. I am, for the most part, content with the body Mother Nature gave me. 


Now, to be clear, and that one does not think that I am;
a) A mythical goddess of a woman who was born into unnatural and freakish perfection, or,
b) Promising you that while I'm satisfied with my body, I'm also not blind and brainless.
So; I don't have the best skin, have dis-proportioned knees and ankles to the rest of my body, I'm on the chubby side more often than not and have genetically passed on possum eyes that make me look like I haven't slept in days (Thanks for that one Dad!) 
I'm by no means perfect but I know beauty lies in imperfection and uniqueness. I also know that those flaws society have taught me to hunt out in myself are most likely not seen by almost everyone else (And if they are... well... the Venus de Milo statue is nothing without her flaws huh?)
;-) 

So, in saying that, I thought it would be nice to share with the world why I think this way, after all, that is why I started this blog right?

So people would see why I am the way I am.

So here goes, my journey to self image satisfaction (AKA seeing myself as beautiful!)

 

I have someone in my life, very close to me and has been around for my entire 23 years, who suffers from anorexia, bulimia and alcoholism.

It breaks my heart to watch this person battle every day with the negativity they have built up and up their entire life and continue to surround themselves with.

I have watched this person for years go around in circles in the same spiral of self-destruction.

Over my years of subconscious observing , I've noticed it always comes in consistent waves.

Things will be going okay, never amazing, but bearable for her. 
She seems peachy, with an act that only a select few can see right through.
On the surface, even to herself, things seem fine. 

Then, something will happen; some kind of big life changing event, (a break-up or a death) the stress and grieving process (that every person would endure) to follow, and then the destructive ways of dealing with it; eating (or rather lack thereof) and drinking away everything.

(I'm not naive, I understand all of these things are an illness and the person is not to blame! I'm simply explaining what I have witnessed and lived with my entire life to paint a picture for you)

Going back to what I was saying about my own view on my own self image, I think it is safe to say this person has, despite all the negativity in their own life, had a positive impact on me, and, in their own way, influenced and guided me in a constructive direction.

(I hope people don't take that the wrong way)

Let me explain; Not once in my, what was meant to be insecure, teenage years, did I ever have any issue with the size of my body.

I, to this day, have never dieted, never thought to alter my lifestyle for the sake of looks alone. I am by no means boasting that I am blessed with the perfect body because I'm most certainly not (as I so generously shared!) I'm also not a healthy eating exercise guru who is in perfect shape because I work hard for it. In fact, I'm generally pretty lazy when it comes to excercise and I'm more often than not a tad on the chubby side because I don't watch what I eat! I just live the way that is comfortable and, most importantly, healthy for me, without self-loath or guilt.

I am 100 percent sure that this is because of all the years I watched the most beautiful person I know tell me how flawed she was.

All she ever saw was her imperfections, and all I ever saw was her beauty.

I couldn't understand how somebody could look in the mirror and not see what I saw.

She was is so beautiful.

For all the pain she has gone through in her battles, I can at least say she has given me a great gift. She taught me one of the most valuable lessons I have picked up on in my life, and it is this;

You will never see yourself the way everyone else sees you, and everyone else will never see you the way you see you.

They'll never see what I see, and I''ll never see what they see.

You see?!

As far as I have learned in my teeny tiny life, it seems to me that the biggest problem in the world as far as self image and self respect goes is this; We, as the human race, have put those who are satisfied with the way they look in a negative light and we call them conceited.

What, exactly, is wrong with loving the body, hair and face that you were born with?

Beauty starts with how you see yourself, and if its conceited and wrong to see yourself as a beautiful person then the world is destined to be a place for self doubt and dissatisfaction.

While its important to know the balance between appreciating your own body and not rubbing it the face of everyone around you and literally becoming a conceited pain in the ass, a world where it is only socially acceptable to pick out the flaws in your body and ignore everything that is beautiful is a negative place and I, for one, will never be a part of that culture.
No sir.

I have watched the most beautiful woman in my eyes waste away through her own self hate, because she was bought up in a world where if, God forbid, she voiced her gratification regarding the healthy body she was born with, she would have drowned under a sea of judgement and hate.

So, to avoid that hate, she had to hate herself.

 I want to change peoples way of thinking.

So, I have homework for you kids.

Try this;

Forget what you have ever thought about the way you look, and look at yourself in the mirror for the first time.

Smile.

And say 'I'm beautiful!'

Go out into the world, and picture the way you look in your head, picture how other people see you, and here is the trick; picture it as what you think is beautiful.

Smile at strangers and picture yourself as that incredible and confident person in your head.

You'll feel beautiful. I promise you.

It sounds cliche as hell, but turns out those Disney films had it right all along; it really is all about how you feel inside of you. 
Confidence and self-worth is much more beautiful and prevalent in every person you are likely to meet.

You can call me conceited, or whatever else is it that is social conduct enforces, but its unlikely I'll care these days. When I look in the mirror, I don't pick out the individual flaws. I see the entity as a whole. She has smiled back at me for 23 years, and she's not going anywhere, so I decided to love her for everything she is a long time ago.

<3





Photos by Rosie Hardy