Some in flight entertainment. (Bali bound)

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10th October 2012

I am currently on a flight, flying high over the Australian outback to Bali.

This year, actually, to be precise; tomorrow, marks the 10 year anniversary of the Bali Bombings of 2002.

I am finally, for the first time in my life, making the pilgrimage over to pay my respects to my Auntie Jodi, my fathers little sister, who was killed there 10 years ago.

It didn’t really hit me until I got on the flight, put my headphones in and closed my eyes, what I was actually coming over to do.

In the past few weeks my little life has been fairly busy, with uni and work and money problems. I’ve been looking forward to Bali as a holiday and an escape. A chance to lie in the sun, go for a surf and stock up on pretty rings and bracelets.

My Dad, after Jodi was taken from my family, promised he would visit Bali every anniversary until the day he died to pay respects to his little sister.

Of course, he was true to his words, but he was taken too soon. This year, being the 10^th anniversary, I am coming for him. I know if he were here, he would be on this plane, coming over with the rest of the family. I am taking his place.

Being on my way to face what my Dad faced makes me scared.

While I've missed my Auntie and my Dad, since losing him, I've felt so disconnected to what happened on both parts for so long. 

I've never once felt my Dad around me, the way I used to feel Jodi around me.

Since the day he died, all I have focused my energy on is moving on, building my life as an independent girl that he would be proud of. I never let myself really think about what happened. Sure, Bali isn't what killed my Dad, but somehow this is where it all started. Somehow, I'm tying the two together.

Me being on my way to where it all began, literally in the place of my Dad, is making me feel like I am more in his shoes than ever.

Bali, what have you got in store for me?