what was normal in the evening, by the morning seems insane

 

Things never make sense in the morning...

I had an episode of craziness earlier in the week. (Hence last post)
Not proper craziness, just overthinking and coming to illogical conclusions.
I'm not alone. 
Everyone has moments of insanity.



I was a mess and felt all the pressure of the past few weeks; losing my job, homelessness and end of year uni stress, it all hit me at once. 

I'm amazing at suppressing any thoughts or feelings that will lead to negativity (ask anyone!) but within a few hours that brick wall in my mind that, so durably, holds back all those feelings, temporarily crashed down and I felt it all. Everything.
It wasn't nice.
To top it off I was in a physical place of vulnerability. 
I HATE letting my guard down in front of people more than anything, especially people I don't know well.
So like I said, I was a mess. To the point where out of nowhere, I texted my ex, whom, while we are friends and everything, I don't really speak to all that much, and got him to bail me out of the situation. He knew all I needed was to separate myself from the darkness of the night before and put sleep in between.

The funny thing is, he was right. I woke up and things were okay. All those things I was upset about still existed, but, like always, I was able to deal with them.


It's insane, the character that comes out and controls you, the logic (or lack thereof) that takes over when you let something else envelope and control you.


Don't get me wrong, I like playing the puppet when I want too. We all know too well doing stupid shit and not having to be responsible is half the fun. 
For the first time though, I didn't like the conquest of my mind. No. Not at all.

We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain
But what was normal in the evening, by the morning seems insane.

I'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this
The reasons all have run away but the feeling never did
It's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live
Cause what is simple in the moonlight, by the morning never is